The Republican Party is running out of time to pull the old switcheroo and replace Donald Trump with a “moderate” who has a snowball’s chance in summer sunshine of winning the presidency. So, just in case all other Dump Trump maneuvers fail, it’s time to try to rehabilitate Donald into a serious candidate. Good luck with that!

Step One: Fire Corey Lewandowski. Check!

Step Two: Give a “serious” speech – this time without making any pee-pee or size of his junk jokes.


Donald actually managed to deliver an address with zero references to bodily functions or body parts. But it was eminently laughable nonetheless.

The speech, which was “crafted by senior policy adviser Stephen Miller and Trump’s newspaper publisher son-in-law Jared Kushner,” was framed by Donald’s campaign as “the first real test of Trump 2.0.”

Given that successfully reinventing Donald necessarily includes wiping the national consciousness of a year’s worth of breathtakingly indecent campaigning – not to mention the decades previous of being an obscene lout – it would have had to be one magical speech!

It was not magical.

To the absolute contrary, it was a series of discredited smears about Hillary delivered to a small room full of people who offered tepid applause.

There was a lot to mock in this speech, but perhaps no moment is more emblematic of its hot garbage essence than this:

Hillary, says Donald, “has spent her entire life making money for special interests, and, I will tell you, she’s made plenty of money for them and she’s been taking plenty of money out for herself. Hillary Clinton has perfected the politics of personal profit and even theft.”

Oh no. Oh no no no no no. Donald did not, in the same week it was widely reported that he’s directing nearly 20% of his campaign cash to his own businesses and family members, is not accusing Hillary of having “perfected the politics of personal profit.” This man has used his presidential campaign as his own personal slush fund to the tune of $1.1 million in the month of May alone.

In a quintessential case of pot meeting kettle, Donald, in the midst of multiple lawsuits over Trump University for being “a fraudulent scheme [which] preyed upon the elderly and uneducated to separate them from their money,” accused Hillary of being a thief.

He had the audacity to claim that it’s Hillary who has “spent her life making money for special interests,” when his entire life has been dedicated to making money, at the expense of working people, for the most special interest of all: Himself.

The chutzpah of this guy is unfathomable. He gave a speech that’s supposed to be about Hillary, but it was really a speech about himself — just a gross collection of lies, projection, and deflections.

If this is Trump 2.0, it sure looks a lot like Trump 1.0.